Medical Power of Attorney

"Jo, I am not sure I am comfortable with you being my medical power of attorney."  Her words instantly stung me, and I felt a warm sensation throughout my body.  I answered with with a short and unemotional, "Alright.... can you tell me why?" "Well,"  she responded, "I was talking with Kay and she feels that you would not be an ideal choice for several reasons.  First off, you are not especially knowledgeable when it comes to finances and money, and that is a large part of being a medical power of attorney.  It is more than just a few accounts here and there.  I have property, houses, a car, a retirement plan, long term insurance...I think that would be very overwhelming for you."

Okay, I'll agree to this.  I am not well-versed when it comes to finances, and the simple thought of organizing and following through with it all overwhelms me.

She continued...

"And Jo, Kay said that you didn't handle it well when I had my stroke.  You pissed quite a few people off at the hospital."  And that did it.  Tears began to well in my eyes, my heart started racing, and my face couldn't help but react to the tremendous amount of frustration and anger I was feeling.  The only thing I could muster was, "You have got to be kidding me.  Really?"

In the months leading up to her hospital stay, my mom's personality changed quite a bit.  We were fighting more, she was very sensitive, and I remember wondering if our relationship was going to remain remarkably difficult.  After her hospital stay, her primary care doctor at Kaiser "dismissed' her as a patient, claiming he did not feel comfortable treating her anymore (this was the same doctor who weeks before, prescribed her steroids, cough syrup with codeine, anti-depressants,  and sleeping medication...and who was called out by the ICU doctor at Littleton Adventist Hospital for mis-treatment of prescription meds).  The home health care nurse would visit with my mom (who was a perfect patient during the visits), and then hours later I would get a call from the local coffee shop saying my mom seemed dazed and "very depressed" and I needed to get her help.  When I brought this to the attention of the staff at Kaiser and the home health care workers, they told my mom that I was a "bulldozer" and she needed to distance herself from me.  Not only did this drive a deeper wedge between us, but it increased my mom's already high stress level.

Given the circumstances, I feel I handled my mom's seizure, stroke, stay at the ICU, and ongoing visits with home health care workers remarkably well.  I am an only chid of a single mom, with a very small family.  My support system was limited, at best.

I spent the next hour or so explaining this to my mom, who was very apologetic.  Still unsure as to what she is going to do about the Medical Power of Attorney, she at least heard my point of view, and let me stand up for myself.